*If you prefer listening, here is a voiceover because - let’s face it - life is busy and our eyes and hands are often needed elsewhere.
About the Author
Sarah is a Kindergarten Teacher at heart turned Elementary Principal who then became a Parent.
Dear Parents, Grandparents & Caregivers,
I’m just going to bring us back to where we left off last week:
The more we notice, the more ready our brain is to mirror their interests back to them; the more likely we are to plan things or invite children to spend time together that fuels their curiosity while strengthening our relationship with them.
Once I paused to notice their interests in a more intentional way, the funniest thing happened. It was like I found a key I had misplaced. A key I had, at one point in time, used daily. A key that opened a space in which to think more intentionally.
As I set my intention to evade survival mode this summer, I rooted back into the Waldorf Inspired metaphor of breathing in and out - of contraction and expansion - of inward and outward movement. It’s allowing myself and our children to flow in a largely predictable way, while fully existing in the incredibly nuanced state of the present moment.
Life has a rhythm.
Daily Rhythms: Sunrise and Sunset
Monthly Rhythms: The waxing and waning of the sun’s light reflected by the moon
Seasonal Rhythms: Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring
As humans, we thrive on rhythm. As much as we’d like to overpower them, there they are. What if we embraced them instead of push through them? Industrialization and its lasting effects have pushed rhythm out. Yet I’m sensing that many of us are ready to reclaim our natural state of being in a modernized way. Over the years I’ve begun to think of rhythm more in terms of cadence. It’s the realization that as I prepare for planned things intentionally - I can say no to things that don’t fit our family in this season. I can speed up the tempo when life requires. I can slow it down after a busy spell - as long as I’m noticing the impact on our family. This helps me to live life with our children in a more rhythmic way that is also more tangible somehow.
Before you think that I’m going in a hippie dippie direction, let me assure you, I’m not. Well, no more than usual anyway. In actuality, this work parallels what I did as a teacher and a principal. Breathing in is the internal thinking work, in this case, the focus on the bigger picture so that I can more easily see what fits and what’s forced. I can decide what to keep, what to remove and even what to add. Then…I can exhale, releasing the pressure to do the big things of the season. I can relax knowing that the balls are in place and I am ready to catch them.
And when I do, I’m confident that we will make the most of this precious time - their childhood’s summertime.
with L.O.V.E.,
Sarah
Cadence
Cadence - I love this word.
Cadence encompasses EVERYTHING BIG and everything small. It’s the way we come to expect more daylight as June approaches; it’s also felt in the evening when my body begins its quest for sleep the moment I brush my teeth.
It’s the beat of the drum - the tempo we create. It creates structure so we can move fluidly with the notes of life - singing our own song while also making it possible to sing along with others. Our cadence is strongest when it reflects all of us. So, gather your noticings - put your mental list on paper - the information you’ve been gathering about your kiddos.
Calendars
So let’s start by zooming out.
Grab a calendar - you know one of those free ones we get in the mail - and tear out June, July & August. Tape them on a wall or table so that you can see the entire summer at one glance. Or if you want to get fancy - you can have this beauty delivered, likely by tomorrow - which still seems like a bit of magic to me.
While my Norwegian blood runs fiscally frugal, my heartstrings tug each year when I fold up my favorite keepsake - a space to record not only what each season will hold, but also to capture how life looked during this year of our family’s life. What did me in was that the months are linearly placed by season - so as you can see June, July and August are right there. I cover the rest with our ‘Perpetual Summer Menu’ - (more on that some other time).
The point is simply to ONLY look at these next 3 months: June, July and August. AND I’m a stickler on this - let it be paper. While I definitely lean on my pal google calendar, our kids lean on concrete calendars and there’s something about the physical presence of paper when it comes to the important things.
Okay - let’s say you have the months of summer in front of you - all at once, taking up space. Seeing summer this way as opposed to one month at a time will give you a different viewpoint. You’ll be able to see a different cadence. The cadence of the coming summer.
Mark the Moments
In just a moment you’re going to mark it all down on your summer at a glance. You’re going to Mark Moments that require changes and shifts, more energy and preparation, more patience and persistence. Mark the moments so you can feel them all together.
When it comes to the moments - you’re the boss. There are things that are set in stone and there are things that feel like they are set in stone. Okay, full disclosure, I’m going to use Mike’s analogy here. While I found it a bit flimsy at first, it’s actually grown on me and now I can’t stop thinking about our summer dates in this way.
When it comes to things that are Set in Stone, these are dates that are absolutely set in stone.
You have zero influence or control here.
Examples:
Ball Games, Camps, Lessons, etc
Weddings you will attend
Mandated work events, trips, etc
Birthdays & Holidays
Events you are absolutely committed to
Enter Mike. He had a great point that while there are the things that you cannot move there are also things that are more like SWORDS in the stone - yes, this is Mike’s analogy - bear with me, it may grow on you too.
Summer can feel like a paradox: it’s meant to be spacious and freeing, yet it often becomes crammed with obligations - some chosen, some assumed, and some forced upon us. Enter The SWORD in the Stone:
The SWORDS are the things we feel obligated to do, or even the stuff we’ve reserved for. Yet we don’t actually have to do them. Like Arthur, only we - the magical parents - have the ability to decide which of these SWORDS to take out. Yes, it will take a bit of magic, but you can decide to move them or even remove them entirely.
Examples:
Invitations
Trips - work or personal that aren’t mandatory
Reunions
Special Events
Hosting
Maybe even some of those ball games, camps or lessons
You get the idea
Use a Marker (or stickers, I love stickers) —> What is Set in Stone?
Use a Pencil —> What have you planned, but it’s actually a SWORD?
Once you’ve marked it all down - take a look. Are you energized, overwhelmed or somewhere in between? It’s important to take a look so that we know what the big beats of our family’s summer are. Do you notice ebb and flow? Do you notice a heaviness anywhere? How might you lighten it? Is there space for daily life? For daily connection? Or does it look more like morse code with dots and dashes filling the page? IF so, does it feel like an SOS or conversely does it feel like the party is ready to start? Only you know what your coming season feels like as you reflect on it. There isn’t a “correct” amount of things here - there is simply the opportunity to take the reins and head into the summer intentionally.
Now grab that list - mental or physical and look for reflections. Do your BIG things reflect the things that light them up? Do any of them capture an experience that reflect who they are right now in this season, in this exact phase of childhood? Or maybe they might because you’ll use your list as you plan the things to do on that trip you are taking. If so - BONUS - if not, don’t worry - these things live most fully in the week to week - the daily - the ‘regular life’ time we share with our children.
Regardless of what you see in front of you - you have the power. You get to decide right now what to move, remove or add in. You can see that summer will be over before we know it and if we don’t put a pin in what is most important to our family this summer, we’ll likely run out of summer to do it. You can see where you’ll need to schedule some recovery time, or maybe some reconnection. You can see into the future in a way our brain alone cannot.
Now that we have the big picture in place, as we live the weeks and the days, we’ll see them differently; we’ll feel the time we have differently.
Pause
Take a breath. Literally. We all feel that pressure to make summer magical or memorable. We all want to spend meaningful time with our children and with loved ones. We want to give each child meaningful attention. We strive to keep a calm home - even when the chaos of summer is in full force. We all get inundated with social media portrayals of how others are “doing summer”.
Let it go.
In taking these minutes to focus and plan the big picture, it’s like breathing inward. And now we can exhale. We can enter summer a little lighter now that we’ve made a little room in our minds to be more present and less in DO mode. We’ve made decisions intentionally, so summer won’t feel like it happened to us.
Next week, I’ll extend the pause as we shine a light on Father’s Day before building on the important work we’ve done.
Look forward to zooming in and focusing on an Ideal Week of sorts in a few weeks.
And if you just can’t wait that long - Treat yourself to - “Release & Reclaim” - A Summer Reflection Worksheet designed to help parents like us intentionally shape summer with more freedom, clarity and presence. It’s only $1 in the spirit of Summer Fun!
Message me and I’ll send it on over!
Do you have questions about today’s post or other facets of parenting?
I’d be honored to be part of your parenting journey.
The purpose of a discovery call is to explore and understand your family’s needs and whether or not we would be a good fit before our first session.
I offer coaching, consulting and thought partnering with parents and caregivers who are looking for another way to approach this season of life. Each pause, or individualized session, allows us to focus on what is most important in your unique family during each stage and season of life so that we can creating a parenting plan or approach that builds on your strengths.
In most cases, topics of focus and solution seeking are encompassed in the core components that make up life with littles. They are interrelated, interconnected and are full of opportunities to live more of life with our children.
